By FDF Member Hab Baker
1. I’m for Gay Marriage. If you’re not, please vote for me anyway.
2. I’m for abortion on demand, up to and including the 3rd trimester. If you’re not, please ignore that and vote for me anyway.
3. I have unleashed the power of the federal government against religious institutions. If you are opposed to that, please ignore your core beliefs and vote for me anyway.
4. I inherited a bad economic situation, and my policies have delayed the recovery, and I know you don’t like that, but please vote for me anyway.
5. I am threatening to raise your taxes in January, if I don’t get my way on taxing the “rich” (which would run the government for seven days), but please vote for me anyway.
6. I am opposed to charter schools and school vouchers so you could send your kids wherever you like, and I know you are for those things, but please vote for me anyway.
7. I promised to be out of Afghanistan and we’re not yet, and I know you don’t like that, but please vote for me anyway, because I gave $1.8 Billion to the Muslim Brotherhood in Egypt.
8. Real Black unemployment is above 25%, and I know you don’t like that, but please vote for me anyway, because I have increased federal aid to soup kitchens.
9. I have doubled the people on Food Stamps, welfare, and Disability. I know you don’t like that, and want jobs instead of handouts, but please vote for me anyway, because I like “green” energy.
10. We botched the Fast and Furious operation. More than 200 Mexican civilians, and one American were killed with the guns my Justice Department supplied, and I know you don’t like that, but please vote for me anyway because I promise not to do that anymore.
11. Rather than let Attorney General Eric Holder answer a lawful subpoena from Congress, I invoked “Executive Privilege”. I know, you would go to jail if you didn’t respond to a subpoena, but trust me — I’m not hiding anything. It just looks that way, so please vote for me anyway.
12. Yes, I claimed credit for killing Osama Bin Laden, even though it was Seal Team Six, using intel developed under Bush that got him, and yes, that is a little creepy, but please vote for me anyway.
13. I use your tax dollars for Planned Parenthood, even though Margaret Sanger, a racist, founded it “to exterminate the Black race”. I’m hoping you are willing to overlook the millions of Black babies they have aborted, and vote for me anyway.
14. My Party’s policies have torn apart the Black family. 72% of Black births are out of wedlock. I hope you will just forget that, and vote for me anyway, because I am, after all, Black.
15. My policies have stalled the economic recovery, and now we are slowing down even more, but please overlook that and give me four more years to work my magic.
16. Your electricity bill is going up because I am closing coal-fired generators, but I hope you will vote for me anyway because I like the environment, and I am trying to stop global warming.
17. Since I took office, my Administration has issued more than 50,000 pages of new regulations, resulting in job losses. The number of people actually working is the smallest in many years, but I am advertising to get them to sign up for Food Stamps, so please vote for me.
18. Yes, I cut $500 Billion from Medicare, and prescriptions are being rationed for Medicaid patients. I hope you vote for me anyway, ‘cause if I can get you a little poorer (and I’m trying), it will be free.
PS: Since my father was half-Arab and half-Black, I am 25% Black, so please vote for me anyway.
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